


A Little Competition

by LadyShiva17



Series: Nobody Better Hurt You [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Competition, F/M, Guy Talk, Normandy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 00:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8230573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShiva17/pseuds/LadyShiva17
Summary: Garrus stumbles into an awkward conversation.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I adore Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Bioware's characters.

He was never too sure what he might stumble into when he found Kaidan Alenko and Jeff "Joker" Moreau in the same room together.

The door to the mess slid open with a loud whoosh, but the noise did nothing to deter the conversation between the two men at the table. Garrus entered the kitchen and went straight for the highest cupboard, nearly inaccessible to anyone shorter than him, where he kept a private stash of dextro snacks. He wondered, briefly, if he should let the quarian in on his secret while shuffling through his collection.

He listened as the discussion continued, apparently undisturbed by his presence.

"Well, Joker?" Kaidan insisted, obviously wanting an answer to something asked before Garrus had arrived. Likely something completely frivolous, if he knew anything about the types of conversation the two friends usually engaged in.

"I dunno, man." Joker thoughtfully stroked his chin. "I can appreciate the asari covered in glitter at Chora's Den all day," he coughed. "As you well know."

Kaidan laughed while Garrus rolled his eyes to himself. It was _that_ kind of conversation. He'd heard the argument over how desirable the Consort was last week. It was probably a rehash. Nothing new, or worth involving himself in.

"But..."

"But?" Kaiden prodded.

"But, I just can't... I don't..." He tried to form the words before finally just blurting out. "Shepard just doesn't do it for me."

Garrus' head snapped around to stare at Joker. The humans face had gone slightly pink and Kaidan tried to smother a laugh.

Joker glared at them both. "What?"

The lieutenant leaned over the table, doing his best to get in his friend's face. "You don't think she's attractive?"

Garrus resumed rifling through his cupboard as if he was looking for something specific. He wasn't, but he wanted to stick around for this.

Joker scoffed, indignantly, and held up his hands. "Hey, hey, hey. I never said that."

The turian at the counter let out a chuckle. He tried to mask it as he grabbed a bag of dextro crisps, but try as he might to pretend, he was involved in the conversation by this point.

Joker's eyes darted around him to be sure no one else had come into the room. "Shepard's sexy as hell, man," he admitted, "But that's just it. She's Commander Shepard." Joker dead-panned and spread his arms wide to enunciate the point. "Commander. It'd be too weird."

Kaidan leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. "Yeah, well. Doesn't really bother me."

Joker frowned. "Seriously? You'd be okay with that? She's not just a superior officer. She's your superior officer."

His friend shrugged. "Nah. Besides, if what I've heard is true, I don't think Shepard cares about stuff like that."

He trailed off while Garrus pondered over his words. Of course, he'd assumed Shepard had been in her share of relationships, but he'd never thought or cared about it, much less about her dating within the Alliance. But if he was learning anything new about the commander in the past few weeks it was that she definitely wasn't a stickler for regulations. His thoughts broke when he heard Joker say his name.

He turned around to see the pilot looking at him, expectantly. He hadn't heard the question. "Huh?"

"What do you think?" Kaidan asked, as if he was genuinely interested. Garrus would have believed it if it weren't for the tapping of his fingers on his folded forearms. The biotic usually had a way of sounding uninterested.

"Think of what?" Garrus sounded surprised. "Shepard?"

Joker seemed impatient for the answer. "Yeah, is she hot or what?"

Kaidan watched Garrus, his mouth in a tight line, but stayed quiet. The whole topic made him uncomfortable, and Kaidan's gaze didn't help, but he wasn't about to let them know.

Garrus played it cool.

"Considering I'm, you know, a _turian_ ," he said sarcastically. "I'm not sure I'm the best authority on the matter." He paused and grabbed the chip bag, nonchalantly. "We turians generally go for women who have a nice set of teeth, small waists, delicate faces..."

Her face suddenly flashed through his mind. The bright eyes, the sharp but proportioned nose, the sculpted cheekbones and the full dark lips. He imagined carefully measuring her waist with his hands, wrapping them around her... The foil bag in his hands ballooned and let out an angry crinkle, immediately snapping him back to reality.

He chuckled, covering his lapse. "Shepard's no turian, but I've seen her get angry. I know she has teeth."

Joker laughed at that, but shut up when Kaidan interjected, a strain in his voice, like he was trying to sound relaxed.

"You interested, Vakarian?"

It wasn't a secret that the staff lieutenant had eyes for the commander. He was always hanging around the crew quarters, practically right outside her cabin, vying for her attention. Not that Garrus was any kind of expert of human behaviour, but it didn't seem to be working too well for Kaidan. Shepard didn't seem to return his affections. At least, not that Garrus had noticed.

He shot Kaidan a look, his fiery blue eyes piercing into his skull, as though punishing the soldier for asking such an absurd question. Kaidan was challenging him to say yes. It would have been funny to think about any other time. But right now, Garrus felt cornered by the man. He'd recognized the intent in his eyes. He'd seen it before, in male turians staking a claim on a female.

He hadn't noticed that she spent any more time with Kaiden than with any other crew member. It actually occurred to Garrus that she spoke to him quite a lot. It was an amusing thought, but not unpleasant. He enjoyed spending time with Shepard, learning from her, getting her opinions on matters. It wasn't anything more than friendly banter when it wasn't concerning a mission, really.

But Kaidan didn't know that. He smirked.

"Why, lieutenant?" Garrus cocked his head and tore open the bag of crisps. "You're not afraid of a little competition, are you?"

Kaidan's mouth fell open and Joker howled in laughter. Garrus popped a chip into his mouth and, with the smugness of someone who'd just dropped credits on a biotic-heavy varren, casually strode past them and out of the kitchen. Leaving the two of them to get over their shock, and possibly question their sanity, he headed for engineering. Perhaps Tali could use a snack break.


End file.
